Saturday, December 1, 2007

A Wooden Leg and a Dead Skunk - Part One

I haven't written novels, I haven't written short stories; heck, I haven't even written any very short and very bad poetry lately. But I was inspired to continue this little story after Mike Doe started it.

I only knew him by his name "Doc." He seems like one of the smartest guys at the bar though. And he's certainly bailed me out of a jam or two.

Oh sure, there's the simple stuff, like the time when he told a hung-over 16 year old kid to drink a few more. I was that 16 year old kid, and Doc's words helped me through a tough morning. But that pales in comparison to the time he saved my life.

I was sitting at the bar, spinning a quarter, when this really tall guy walked up to me and asked if I was a betting man. Well, I had already had a few, and he seemed like a nice enough guy, so I thought I'd have some fun with him. And gosh, he certainly was a nice enough guy; he even bought me another drink before we did some type of bet with the quarter I was spinning.

Several hours and several drinks later, he wasn't so nice any more as he slammed me against the bar and hollered, "All right, kid, I won your Brooklyn Bridge fair and square! When are you gonna PAY UP?!?"

Now you can already tell that this guy wasn't exactly Albert Einstein, and after a few drinks I wasn't Albert Einstein either, because I blurted out, "Uh, I can't get it to you tonight, but I can get you the bridge across Cucamonga Creek."

He squinted at me and shouted in my face, "I don't WANT no Cucamonga Creek. I want the BROOKLYN BRIDGE, and I WANT it in 15 minutes! You hear?"

In my state, I was groggily trying to figure out how to put the Brooklyn Bridge on the back of my truck - never mind that said bridge was a couple of thousand miles away, and I couldn't get there and back in 15 minutes if I tried.

Lucky for me, Doc (who had been quiet the whole time) bailed me out.

"Say, Reegan," said Doc.

"How'd you know my name?" said the stranger.

"Um, Reegan," replied Doc, "you still got your Burger King work shirt on."

The stranger looked down at himself, nodded in astonishment, and stared at Doc like he was Alex Trebek.

"Reegan," replied Doc, "don't you know that you're not allowed to use the Brooklyn Bridge?"

"Why can't I use the Brooklyn Bridge?" replied Reegan. "I won it fair and square!"

"New York law," replied Doc. "No peglegs are allowed on the Brooklyn Bridge."

It was just then that I noticed that Reegan only had one leg, and that the other one was deader than a presidential candidate.

To be continued...I still gotta fit the dead skunk in somehow.


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Nora said...


"You got me, Doc." Reegan sobbed. He lowered his head into his hands and began shaking uncontrollably

I'd never seen such a tall man cry like that. In fact, the only man who ever juiced up his eyes like that in front of me was this one time when Daddy drove over a skunk on the way to church. We saw it in the road, but we couldn't stop in time. Daddy said it just wouldn't be Christian to leave it sufferin in the road like that, so we laid the poor li'l skunk in the back seat. The smell was so pungent that all of us had streams of tears rolling down our cheeks when we 'rrived at the church.

That was the last time I saw my Daddy. He then runned off with this church lady and never came home.

When Reegan finally came too, he was a changed man. He looked a smack embarassed and shuffled out the door. Maybe he had a Daddy and a dead skunk too that he was thinkin bout.

After that day, Doc started showin up at the bar more and more. Sometimes he'd come with a local lady, sometimes alone. He always did seem to be keepin a special eye on me. Who knows.. maybe he knew about my Daddy leavin us and he thought he could help.