Monday, April 7, 2008

When you merge Steve Martin and Woody Allen, either you get a 20th century renaissance man or a snake oil salesman

When I'm not musing about the supposed familial relationship between Brian Eno and Slim Whitman, I'm musing about the mythical "Woody Martin." You have to figure that if there's a Steve Martin, a Woody Allen, and a Steve Allen, then there has to be a Woody Martin somewhere.

Sadly, John at True Discernment found Woody Martin. And it's not pretty.

But I always start with the Statement of Faith. I've excluded the Spanish translation.

We Believe In:

1. The Bible as the inspired and infallible Word of God (2 Tim. 3:15-16)

2. One God, eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (Deut. 6:4; Matthew 18:19; Mark 12:29)

3. The Virgin Birth of Christ, His Vicarious, Atoning Death, Bodily Resurrection, and Ascension (Isaiah 7:44; Romans 8:34; Acts 1:10)

4. Salvation through the Blood of Jesus and the Blood of Jesus ALONE! (1 John 5:10; Romans 10:13-15)

Now from here on in I have minor quibbles with many of the rest of Woody Martin's doctrinal points, but that's not why I'm talking about Woody Martin. Here are the rest of his doctrinal points, FYI.

5. Water Baptism by Immersion (Matthew 28:19, Acts 2:38)

6. The Lord's Supper - Elements Of Wine And Bread, Fellowship and Memorial Of His Death (1 Cor. 11:26).

7. Divine Healing through the redemptive work of Christ on the Cross (Isaiah 53:4; Matthew 8:16,17; James 5:13-14)

8. The Baptism in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking with other tongues (Acts 2:4, 10:44-46; 15:8-9)

9. The sanctification power of the Holy Spirit which enables a believer to live a holy life (Hebrews 12:14; 1 Peter 1:15-16)

10. The Second Coming of Jesus Christ (Acts 24:15; Luke 14:14; Revelation 19:7,9)

11. The Blessed Hope, Resurrection and Translation of Those Who Have Fallen Asleep In Christ and Those Who Are Alive At His Coming (1 Thes. 4:16,17)

12. The Final Judgment of those who have not accepted Christ as Savior, With the Devil and His Angels In the Lake of Fire (Revelation 19:20, 20:11-15, 21:8)

Nah, stuff gets fun after the doctrinal points are done. On the same page, Woody Martin launches into this:

We want to send you a FREE vial of what our ministry calls "the Blood of Jesus Oil"

Well, of course you're going to give it away for free, aren't you? You aren't going to sell this stuff and rip off people (Matthew 21:12-13), are you?

Well, at least the oil is of high quality.

It is regular olive oil which represents the Holy Spirit and a special coloring to make it look red thus we call it "The Blood of Jesus Anointing Oil." There is no virtue or healing in this oil, it is a point-of-contact and an act-of-faith.

It turns out that if you want virtue and healing, you have to look at Woody Martin's other products, which are NOT free.

Order Our
Anointed Healing Scripture
$100 Donation


$25.00 Donation For 1 or 2 for $40.00

But if you go to another part of Woody Martin's web site, you find a disclaimer on that very same anointed healing scripture prayer shawl.

The prayer shawl in itself does not have any mystical healing power. It is a point of FAITH...

Yet Woody Martin seems to concentrate on the object, not the faith. We've seen this before:

2 Kings 18:1-4 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

1 In the third year of Hoshea son of Elah king of Israel, Hezekiah son of Ahaz king of Judah began to reign. 2 He was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem twenty-nine years. His mother's name was Abijah daughter of Zechariah. 3 He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, just as his father David had done. 4 He removed the high places, smashed the sacred stones and cut down the Asherah poles. He broke into pieces the bronze snake Moses had made, for up to that time the Israelites had been burning incense to it. (It was called Nehushtan.)

So perhaps it's fitting that John referred to him as a snake oil salesman. But an anonymous prankster had a bit of fun with Reformation Nation, who also talked about Woody Martin. Here, verbatim and without correction, is the anonymous email that Reformation Nation received:

As a part of the Woody Marin Ministries we’re officially notifying you that the pictures obtained from our web site and posted on your web page are without our consent and are illegal. The pictures are also copywrited by a professional photographer on the web site and have been used without his written permission as well. One thing about these ‘ministries’ that ‘fleece’ the people, we have lawyers. This is a friendly warning, next time you’ll hear from someone else.

Perhaps the real Woody Martin Ministries might want to check out Jesus is God Ministries and its link to this video.

Woody Martin's real lawyers might object to the editorial comment:

This video illustrates how TV evangelists prey upon the naive and gullible with their superstitious nonsense. It is disgraceful that TV stations allow these dangerous hucksters to practice their foolishness on our airwaves.

But then I read something that really scared me, in a comment by Four Points in Independent Conservative:

Maybe one day Paul and Jan [Crouch] will sell “Holy Ghost brand” bottled water

Hoo boy.

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