Equal to the Most Pointless Commercial Ever Recorded

I was driving in to work today and heard the most utterlly senseless commercial on the radio. Point by point, here's the story line:

• A woman orders coffee from a man.


• The man gives her coffee.


• There is a pause.


• Salsa music starts playing

Now with commercials, you have to expect a slight level of unreality, but trust me - it gets worse.

• The woman, surprised, asks what she hears.


• The man explains that the coffee is from South America.

In this alternate reality, I guess that if I eat bratwurst, I'll hear oompah music.

• The man then asks if the woman put Equal sweetener in her coffee.


• The woman replies that she did.


• The man then notes that the Equal sweetner in her coffee has brought the salsa out, or the man says something like that. Regardless, he has a supposedly sensible explanation for the sounds the woman hears in her head.

Now I could live with all of this, but here's where the commercial goes...um...south.

• The man then tells the woman that she can dance.


• The woman asks the man to dance with her.


• The man refuses, but implies that he will next week if she comes back and orders an espresso.

It's not often that Arthur Murray, the Mormons, and I will agree on something, but I think we're all agreed that the commercial above is basura.

But what does Ray Sahelian, M.D. have to say:

Aspartame is an artificial sweetener that came on the market in the 1980s and is found in thousands of products -- sodas, chewing gum, dairy products and even many medicines. NutraSweet and Equal sweetener are popular brands of aspartame. Aspartame is found in Equal, Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Diet Snapple, Sugar Free Kool-Aid, Breyers Light, General Foods Sugar-Free International Coffees. Questions have been raised about the safety of aspartame when Italian scientists found an increased risk of cancer in rodents exposed to aspartame throughout life....

Stevia is a sweetener from South America that is gradually becoming more popular in the US. Stevia is one of my favorite sweeteners and I use a few drops daily to sweeten my herbal tea. I occasionally use this sweetener with cocoa to reduce the need for other caloric sweeteners. Stevia comes in powder, liquid or tablets.

So if the good doctor is right, I should only hear salsa music is I use Stevia.

It should be noted that Sahelian is also the author of something called The Stevia Cookbook. He has also written other books, including Natural Sex Boosters.

Now we know why the guy in the artificial Equal commercial didn't want to dance.

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