Tuesday, February 27, 2007

One thing that Terri Gibbs is Thankful For

If you've seen my picture or know me, you know that I wear glasses. I'm probably a Lasik candidate, but I'm not interested in having someone (even a Highly Qualified Professional) mess with my eyes.

Deni Bonet feels differently, but her (dictated) post-op post doesn't encourage me much.

I was given a fancy blue pill and had some numbing drops put in my eyes and the doctor told me to go sit out in the waiting area until he came out to get me. I found myself slumping lower and lower in the seat until my head was almost in LG’s lap and it was at this point that the doctor came out to get me. In a slurred voice I said to him “Doc – I’m still nervous I need more Valium…” as the drool trickled down my chin. He looked at me, winked at LG and said “I don’t think so – I think you’re feeling no pain. Now follow me”....

At some point the doctor started in on my left eye by taping the lids open. As he began the procedure, I commented that it was a lot like watching the Discovery Channel from the inside out. There was absolutely no pain, just utter fascination with that little red dot staring back at me and the doctor saying over and over “You’re doing really good”.

Then she said this.

The only weird part about it all was that at some point I could smell something burning. He told me it’s the smell the laser makes as it does its work. Translation: fryin’ eyeballs - but because of the Valium I didn’t give a hoot.

Buzz buzz burn burn.

Great, so Debi had a burn baby burn disco inferno going on in her face? Sounds fun.

More on the drugs (remember that Deni is a musician).

They sent me home with a goodie bag stuffed with painkillers and other medicines and that evening I started in on the “Rock Star Diet” of painkillers, sleeping pills and booze.

Now I'm visualizing another fake press release from Fake a Wish that would read like this.

(This story is still developing : published 27 minutes ago)

Tragedy struck today when Yo Name was pronounced dead as a result of chemical complications following Lasik surgery.

Complete details are not yet available, as this story is still developing.

Perhaps the whole eaten by wolves thingie can be worked into it also.


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